Thursday, April 29, 2010

Waiting is Tough

I haven't posted in a while and I guess that's ok.  I haven't done much of anything to our house lately so I haven't really felt like blogging.  But, I decided I should talk about what's actually going on in my life!  MR.P and I decided to switch adoption agencies from Bethany Christian Services to Americans for International Aid for Adoption.  We just weren't getting fast enough responses and we are ready to move fast!!  But, sadly, we have to wait until June 1st to fill out any paper work.  You see, we are adopting from South Korea and their regulations state you have to be married for 3 years in order to adopt from that county.  Our anniversary is July 13th, so this new agency is letting us start a whole month and a half early!  We'll fill out their preliminary application and then wait on the BIG paper work.  Then hopefully get started on our home study.  We hope and pray to get all of that stuff done quickly.  It will be tough, but so worth it in the end.

Here's what I'm going through.  FEAR.  I fear that it won't ever happen.  I guess I feel that way because we are in waiting mode right now.  Not really able to do anything.  I fear that we will get our hopes up and that this isn't really the Lord's plan for us.  Right now, all we can do is trust that the Lord has his plan for us and that he'll show us what to do.  I fear that we'll get pregnant.  This agency says that you can't adopt if you get pregnant!  Crazy that I feel that way, but I do.  I want to adopt, but I want to have our own child in the future too!  There are a lot more fears, but I know that they aren't healthy or good for me. 

1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

I learned this verse when I was 10 years old.  I pray that I can do a better job of holding onto this scripture. 

Things I am rediculously excited about.  I can't wait to start this process.  I dream about the face of our sweet precious little girl or little boy.  I can't wait to pray and grow closer to Matt during this.  I can't wait to see God's hand in all of this.  I am praying that I will truly understand the meaning and picture of adoption.  It's a really BIG picture to grasp.  I can't wait until the day we get a call that we have been matched to the child the Lord picked for us from the beginning of time!  And I REALLY can't wait until we can travel to go pick up our baby!! 

On a lighter note.  I can't wait to decorate his or her room.  A little snap of the fabrics I like ;)

(gender nuetral without being blah!!)

I have so enjoyed talking to my family about our adoption.  They have been incredibly encouraging to us.  I LOVE having sisters.  They have each been so sweet to ask me about our process through out all of this.  It's so fun to talk about the future with them.  They each have children and I can't wait to share in that joy with them.  My mom...so sweet to share with me her initial reaction of why so young?  Then sharing how happy she was for Matt and I to not waste any time :) My dad...helping to ask me all the legal questions.  He works for homeland security, so he knows ;)  My in-laws...helping me with additional info and talking about how excited they are for us!! 

And Matt.  Sharing with me everything that goes through his head about this process.  Loving this time...but lets get to JUNE 1st now baby!!!

These are some blogs that have really encouraged me lately.  I read them EVERYDAY!!!

Gazing Upward - Scott and Kelley just adopted a precious little girl named Virgina Grace.  I'v been able to read since right before they met her for the first time.

By God's Design - Emily and her husband adopted a little girl name Lia Kate in January.  Such a precious video on her gotcha day! 

Seeds of Faith - This is actually our friends Kim and Joe who are also adopting from South Korea.  So encouraging to see what is happening before us!

The Froehlich Family - This sweet family adopted a little boy from South Korea.  So precious to see pictures!

Reading these blogs give me such HOPE!  A tangible thing that I can see.  I know my hope should be in Jesus and it is.  But for some reason, seeing these other stories come to life, brings me back to my hope in Jesus. 

13 comments:

Julianne Hendrickson said...

I love your transparent faith...you are such a great role model for others. Sharing your fear is hard, but so refreshing for others! I am so anxious and excited for you, what a great journey to be on with your family.

And, of course, I love those fabric swatches. I know I will want to go fabric hunting and have someone make all my future baby's things and not buy a store-bought package.

Praying for you all to "cast your worries on to Him." Whatever path he has for you is perfect and beautiful.

Dani said...

One of my favorite verses is:
John 4:18
18There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

Remember Jesus is the definition of love.

Kim Deguido said...

I know how you feel. Apparently there are a LOT of waiting times in this process. We are at a stand-hold now and I am so ready to keep moving!
Praying for you guys!!!
Let me know when you are ready to get together and hear more about what the first stage will be like. :)

Kelly@TearingUpHouses said...

You're an inspiration. Really. I find your path of adoption really selfless and brave. I will cross all of my fingers and toes that things go as smoothly as possible for you. BIG hug.

Kelly

abby @ tales and trials said...

I loved hearing your nursery design plans earlier today. Praying for you friend.

Dayka (Life +Style) said...

Love the fabric swatches.

Be encouraged with the adoption. Some things you really can't know of until you walk through the process, so don't fear! I'm sure things will go well. :)

Scientific Housewife said...

Good luck with the whole process, I hope it goes smoothly for you!

Taylor @ The Undomestic Momma said...

June 1st will be here before you know it :) so excited for you! Now Ive got to catch up on your blog!

Furrier said...

We are thinking about you and we will continue to pray for you throughout this process.
I wanted to share another verse that has been a help when I have struggled with fears and anxiety.
Philippians 4:4-7
"Rejoice in the Lord always again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the Peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
May God bless you with His peace through the process!
We love you!
Aunt Cindy and Uncle David

Dawn said...

Hi there! I came over to your blog and wanted to start to read about your adoption journey. I don't know much about S Korea but I am in the same boat as you with the marriage factor. We need to be married 2 years for China but our agency is letting us paperchase now since it is so involved and will then send our dossier once we hit our anniversary. I am glad you found comfort with your switch. My agency is usper reponsive so I think that is very important. I know we have different paths but maybe we can try to encourage each other since we are both just starting!
Good luck!!! I look forward to following your journey.
Dawn

Red said...

Your perspective on this is great Beth, even if you do struggle with some fear, the beauty of trusting in God is surrendering control (which we never have in the first place,we just think we do)
I'll keep you in my prayers, I know things will workout just fine for you guys.God is in control.
P.s. I love the two bottom fabric samples!

Kelley Brown said...

It's definitely a small world! I totally remember you and Laura from Perimeter. Thanks so much for all your sweet and encouraging comments along the way. (and the shout out in this post) :) And I can totally relate to the fear and the agony of waiting. We had to wait until I turned 30 before we could start the process in China. And I have had fear up until our trip that everything would somehow fall through. I had to remind myself of God's faithfulness (even if something DID change) every day. I'll be praying and look forward to following your adoption journey!

lauren elizabeth said...

so excited to pray for you during this journey, can't wait to see what God has in store. I just sent this verse to a friend who is waiting for a baby too:

2 Timothy 1:7
For God did not give us a spirit of fear but of power and love and sound mind!